My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
