Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
