My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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