what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
