so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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