My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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