i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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