i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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