Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
