you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
