I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
