I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
