btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
