similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
