he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
