Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
