you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
