I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
