my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
