Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
