Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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