You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
