apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
