There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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