You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
