oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
