he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
