Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
