I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
