she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
