u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize