K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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