can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
