Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
