if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
