It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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