Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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