I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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