it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
