Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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