its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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