The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
