that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
