and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
