at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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