well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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