i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
