my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
