I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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