I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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