I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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