arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
