is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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