You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As shirtless as possible
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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