I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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