I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
