I look better un-naked...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
this is an emotional support booty call
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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