i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
