So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
