i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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