Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
