I didn't shave. On purpose
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
