yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
