Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
