Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
