exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize