thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
