Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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