quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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